It's that time of year! Women's History Month and International Women's Day are upon us. This episode, our founder and host, Erica, discusses the tension between image and impact as companies lean into Women's History Month marketing. She also discusses her personal reflections on female-centered community in light of a recent visit to Texas and the work that Two Piers has been doing. While this episode tackles some weighty systemic issues, it's also a candid and earnest account of the personal challenges, reflections and growth of our founder.
Check out our episode about the history of International Women’s Day here as well as the Pay Gap Bot that rocked IWD last year.
Transcript Below:
Erica D'Eramo 0:10
Hello, and welcome to the Two Piers podcast. I'm your host, Erica D'Eramo. So we normally have a guest join us to discuss, you know, different areas of their expertise or shared topics we think our listeners would be interested in. But this week, it's just me. And I'll be reflecting on some of the value of community in light of my recent trip to Texas, which is the home of Two Piers. And just a few thoughts, you know, as we enter Women's History Month, and quickly approach International Women's Day. So thanks for joining us for this episode.
So we've entered March, beloved March. And you know, as a woman that works in diversity, equity and inclusion, you would think that I would be really excited about Women's History Month. And I do admittedly love taking the opportunity to learn about, you know, different communities during all of these various awareness months, they're a great opportunity for me to, you know, find great reading lists, expand my knowledge, attend events that are going on. So I do love an awareness month, especially when I can be raising my own awareness. But I have some mixed feelings when it comes to Women's History Month and International Women's Day in particular. I feel like over the past few years, it's really shifted from an awareness month to a time when companies and corporate entities sort of put on a facade of equity and equality and speak a lot of words about the work that they're doing in this space, while also not really making traction, or committing any sort of resources or funding to actual change. So in some ways, I feel like this, this month, I just I find myself rolling my eyes a lot, taking, you know, a deep sigh. Because when we have an appearance of movement without actual movement, I think sometimes it lets people off the hook for true change. And so for those of us that are really striving for that change, and working towards that change, to remove barriers, you know, to access and opportunity, this month can be kind of a slog, and International Women's Day in particular starts to feel a bit like a marketing ploy. And there's something interesting in there, because it tells me that people see the value in being seen as an equitable place to work or being seen, as, you know, having traction in these areas around diversity, equity, inclusion and justice. So they perceive the value of perception, but perhaps not the value of the actual change. So there's something interesting in there that I do think needs to be explored, it needs to be unpacked with some of these organizations so they can understand the true value. And we can understand what some of the barriers and bottlenecks are to, you know, tapping into the, the real talent pipelines that exist out there. But I guess we're not there yet with a lot of organizations. So that's why I'm here, right? That's why I'm doing the work that I'm doing. And we'll keep doing this work, you know, striving for real change. And this is not just particular to Women's History Month or International Women's Day. I mean, we see it with Black History Month, I see it with Martin Luther King Day all the time, people really misunderstanding the intent of that month. I think it's been well documented at this point that Pride Month and "rainbow washing" are certainly marketing tactics that a lot of entities use while also funding politicians that are, you know, trying to take away rights and backtrack on progress for many in the LGBTQ+ community. So some, some contradiction there. We do see it also with Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, perhaps a bit less so but hey, there's always time. So perhaps we'll see more of the the, you know, capitalist corporatization of those awareness months as well. So if you want to hear more about my thoughts on International Women's Day and what we saw last year, on this date with the Pay Gap Bot, I would definitely recommend checking out our podcast from April 7th last year when we were joined by Francesca Lawson, who was the co-creator of the pay gap bot. I'm looking forward to seeing you know, which companies have rectifed their pay disparities since last year, or, you know, who's gonna get called out this year, or "called in" perhaps maybe some, you know, change is on the way due to the awareness that's been raised by the Pay Gap Bot.
So instead of spending this entire podcast episode just griping about performative acts of equity, I'm going to reflect instead on the joys of finding community through the lens of my recent trip to Houston and Austin. So throughout most of my career, I've been surrounded almost entirely by men. There have been stages, certainly when I worked in teams that had more women, but predominantly, I've worked on teams that were mostly men, if not all men, besides myself. So this is probably not surprising to anyone listening to this podcast, because you'll likely know that I pursued a degree in mechanical engineering, I ended up in the energy industry, and ended up in some pretty remote locations where there were not many women. At the time that I chose mechanical engineering, I would say I didn't really understand how those proportions would look. I think I had heard that there weren't many women in that field, and I saw, you know, as evidenced by the proportion of boys in some of my classes towards the end of high school that the ratios were shifting. But I did not realize the full extent because when I joined mechanical engineering as a freshman at Penn State, it was about 50/50 as far as gender goes, and then by the time I graduated, it was closer to ten-to-one, men to women. And I have plenty of theories about this that I could go into in another episode. But I don't think it had anything to do with women actually struggling to perform in the in the major because the women who did stick it out were, you know, solidly grouped towards the top end of the class. So we did not have an equal distribution along you know, grades, performance, extracurricular activities, I think the women who did stay, were kind of the overachiever types, for the most part, broad generalizations, of course. But that told me that if you weren't excelling in the, in the major that chances were, if you were a woman, and you weren't excelling, then you would potentially change majors. Whereas that did not seem to be the case for many of the men who were more evenly distributed across the performance spectrum. So you know, dating back even earlier, long before that, I would say much of my friend group was male, despite being in Girl Scouts and playing women's sports in middle school in high school. I remember telling my parents actually, when I was young, that I got along better with boys than I did with girls. And there's probably a lot to unpack there. I think some of that might have already been my young little brain internalizing some misogyny, possibly. I also think that potentially neurodivergence, you know, unrecognized, undiagnosed neurodivergence at that point, might have played a role as well, because I struggled to read social cues amongst the girls. And there's been some research in this area that shows that social structures and power sharing amongst girls can actually be quite complex. So I think that for me, I tended to breach these unspoken rules without even understanding them. And it caused either friction or me just feeling like I didn't fit in or I wasn't well liked. And I felt like "what you saw was what you got" with the boys a bit more, not that it was all fun and games, like I certainly had my challenges. But I have more memories of getting, you know, stuck climbing up trees in the woods, with a group of boys and kind of creating forts and all that than I do having much social interaction with girls throughout my childhood. There are some. So certainly, there were some close female friendships when I was younger, but they were the exception rather than the rule. And then, you know, I think another piece that played into that was by middle school, there were some pretty vicious examples of bullying that I experienced at the hands of what I'd call like a Queen Bee. So that also, I think, probably made me shy away from groups of women. And if you want to read a bit more about, you know, some of these complex dynamics that we see between young women and also older women throughout the various parts of their lives and careers, then certainly check out the recent two part series that I wrote about women as allies as part of my coaching corner column for Oilwoman Magazine, you can find that online. The TL;DR, by the way, is not that women are inherently poised to not get along with each other or to betray each other or backstab or be catty, or any of that. The reality is that there are social dynamics and the ways that we are taught to communicate growing up, that kind of lead to some of these tensions that we'll see later in life. One of the cures that I recommend in those columns is actually seeking out women's spaces. So you know, we'll get to that a little bit later in this episode.
But anyways, when I was in high school, I would say my, my closest friend was a guy named Alan, who sort of became like a brother to me. And then by the time I abandoned my original plan, which was to become a writer, and I instead enrolled in all the college level math and science classes that I could, I was pretty much surrounded by male friends, several of whom I'm still quite close with. So you know, Damien and Arnab, if you're listening, hi, can't wait to catch up. I didn't really encounter any sort of sisterhood or female centered community until I joined Lambda Delta Omega as a sorority in my sophomore year of college. When I say I didn't encounter them, I'd say, they were there, right, those sisterhoods were always there, I played field hockey, so I saw it. But not a sisterhood that I felt comfortable joining, or that I felt particularly supported in, I always sort of felt like an outsider looking in. So the sorority that I joined, my sophomore year of college was actually specifically for queer and ally women. So it was a space where I felt like I didn't need to hide my queerness, I didn't need to shed my tomboy ways and, you know, put on a feminine way of presenting. Whereas prior to that, I probably did even in some of those sports areas. So that group of women really helped me normalize female bonds, I'm still pretty close with several of those LDO sisters. But despite what I see is having been a really positive experience, it really wasn't until much later in my career that I appreciated and maybe had access to truly female centered community. And I was reflecting on that during this trip back to Texas, because I was struck by how much that trip itself really did revolve around female centered communities. And some of my career certainly had involvement in things like the Women's Network at, you know, my company, or different book clubs where I had access to women's friendship. But I differentiate that a little bit from true community that sort of hold you during the ups and downs and supports you. That was more like, we have a similar trait, and there are events happening. And so we will, you know, come together for this event in the shared interest, but it didn't feel like close bonds in any sort of way.
So this Texas trip, just on reflection, was sort of a fascinating little microcosm for me. So I'm just kind of gonna give a little review of it. And it's a good way also for folks to see what's happening in the Two Piers world and sort of what we get up to outside of this podcast. So it started off with the Women Offshore Gala. That was, you know, within 12 hours of my arrival in Texas or so, got all dolled up and reconnected with some of the women in an organization that I've been a huge supporter of over the past several years. I served on the board of directors for the Women Offshore Foundation for a period of time. And it's, it's grown incredibly. And it's a place where women can connect and support each other as they navigate their careers working on the water. What I really see is that true connection, especially for women who might be geographically isolated, while they're working in kind of far flung areas of the world or the ocean, and they can still come together and connect either through the Facebook group or through some of these events. And it really does feel like a sisterhood. So I attended that with a close friend of mine, Alisa, who I was staying with. And Alise has also been a podcast guest on the Two Piers podcast. She and I met very early in my career. And she honestly now feels more like a sister to me than a friend or a former colleague. So that was great, we got to go to that event together and dress up for ones because like I said, normally sort of a jeans and sweater type of gal. Then after that, I managed to get together with one of my sorority sisters from college, who I get to see maybe a couple times a year, and she's now a professor working in Texas. So that was wonderful to get to kind of have a little sleepover and just reminisce about all the different ways that our lives have changed over the past 20 years. And I do want to reflect on the fact that even 20 years ago, that queer female centered sorority at Penn State was welcoming of our trans and gender non conforming sisters as well. So 20 years ago, we were still opening the ranks and being inclusive. And I guess I thought we would be a little bit further along in that progress now. So I did reflect on that a bit, that it's kind of wild that it's been two decades, since I bonded so closely with those sisters. After that, I caught up with one of my friends who is an executive recruiter Yael. She's doing incredible work, and also working with women who are propelling their careers and she was telling me about her involvement in her Women's Network in her neighborhood. And that was something that we were exploring as well. Then Wednesday, I was able to hold a workshop at Sesh coworking in Midtown Houston, such as a coworking community whose mission is to provide creative women and gender queer people with a workspace that nurtures personal and professional growth, supports their natural lifestyle and working habits and fosters community through collaboration, learning and advocacy. So we had a great session on how to find our authentic leadership style, even in the absence of role models, and a lot of engagement. And it was really wonderful to spend some time in a very supportive and inclusive work environment. And ironically, cross paths with people who I had been emailing with, had no idea that they would be in the workspace and reconnect with them in person. So again, just wonderful things happen when we create these spaces for connection. Thursday, I was off to another workshop. We were at Gutier, which is a construction company that's headed by one of my fellow former UT EMBA students or I guess, alumna now. So Indra Gutierrez is the president of Gutier construction, and she has formed a women's group for some of the for all of the women that work in her construction company. So every quarter or so we hold a workshop geared towards the different areas of professional development that we feel are particularly impactful for that group. This one was on implementing sustainable change, either for ourselves or for the for our organization. So both in a personal and professional sense, what that looks like. And we had some great discussion. I love getting to run new workshops with that team because they're so responsive and supportive and just open to discussion.
Then Friday, we were off to Austin for the Women's Summit, which was hosted by the Kendra Scott Women's Entrepreneurial Leadership Institute or KS WELI. They had so many incredible speakers and panelists, including Indra from Gutier so she was on a panel discussing breaking barriers for women in business. And one thing that struck me at the conference was the way that women felt comfortable expressing themselves through either their clothing, their appearance, their makeup, their hair. And throughout so much of my career, I would say that clothing choices have been more of like a tight... tightrope to walk, they've been something of a burden to me, I've never really reveled or found joy in choosing what outfit to wear to work, because it felt more like a risk management exercise to me, you know, trying to not look too feminine, but not too masculine, having my own style, but maybe not standing out or drawing attention with any sort of bold colors or patterns. And to me, it just felt like a lot of downside risk, and not a lot of upside benefit. But this sort of brought that into light for me seeing what it could look like when people really embrace their true individuality. If you do find that concept interesting. And you want to read a fascinating essay that touches on some of this, you can Google there is no unmarked woman by Deborah Tannen. And that was introduced to me by that professor, sorority sister of mine, Jen. And she remarked how you know, the way we show up every day, there's no such thing as generic. Every choice we make has to be an intentional one in many cases. So the buttoned down blue shirt with a pair of like, tan trousers or khakis. And a simple short or side-parted haircut is not really a non-statement for us, that would be a statement. There's no non statement way of showing up in the workplace for many women. So at the conference that was hosted by women, for women, there was just so much individuality, there was so much color and boldness, so many floral prints, and pink. I'm not a big fan of pink, but part of me has to explore if that's somehow tied to, you know, maybe some internalized misogyny, I don't know, I think it's tied to my absolute hatred for Pepto Bismol. But I don't know, maybe I need to try to introduce more pink into my life and see how how it goes. So I just was really struck by how much we will often package ourselves away. You know, in in workplaces, where being different is seen as a liability, whether explicitly or implicitly, we might even be subconsciously managing that risk. But trying to hide away parts of our true individuality can just show up in our clothing choices and our hair choices. And these women at the Kendra Scott summit felt completely safe to just bloom into their true vibrant, colorful selves. And it was awesome.
So after that, after that wonderful summit on Friday, where there were just so many inspiring leaders, so many people making big strides, making lots of waves, I spent the weekend catching up with one of our two peers advisory board members Susie, she lives in Austin, she transferred from the energy industry and made a leap around the same time I did but into the tech industry. So now she's in Austin working in tech, and we did some brainstorming on the future of Two Piers and and where it's headed and how we can be more effective. And then on Monday, I presented at the Kendra Scott Women's Entrepreneurial Leadership Institute EmpowHER Hour session for both students and faculty and friends. So there was a good mixture of folks there, but definitely a lot of students who are envisioning a career as entrepreneurs and looking to venture into that world. So we had great questions, a lot of engagement. And that workshop, again, was focused on leadership and how we identify our leadership style, if, especially for these sort of new leaders, what they can do to test out some of their leadership styles, see what works for them, particularly in the absence of applicable role models.
So I'm, I'm really just so glad that some of these communities exist in the world. I'm not sure whether they were actually this prevalent when I was younger, and I just didn't seek them out because of my own complicated feelings about groups of women or if they've become more prevalent or more accessible in recent years, maybe more supportive, maybe the offering is different. I am not sure but I certainly as I'm in my 40s now am really embracing communities where, it's not just women like oftentimes there are men in these communities at these events, supportive men. The point being, though, that we can show up as our true selves and just share similar lived experiences. So when I returned back to our home in Maine, I had a chance to reflect on some of that female centered community that I've benefited from here. And some of that's been locally, like geographically local to Maine, but also remotely. I'm part of a great community of writers now, headed by GG Renee Hill, the who was also a podcast guest on journaling. She's created a great community where folks can share. And it's not just for women, but there are a lot of women in there who share their experiences and their work and their vulnerability. And it's been a really wonderful space to grow in, as I'm trying to develop my writing skills, or re-find my writing skills. And this has been a journey for me, you know, just becoming more comfortable in these spaces. But now that I am, I just don't know how I previously survived without it. And while I'd say men and gender queer folks still make up a pretty large proportion of my friend group. And I've retained some of those absolutely wonderful, priceless friendships over the years, I do deeply believe that, you know, we we need everyone along for the journey. So those friendships that I have, are predominantly with men who believe that we need gender equity in this world. And they're supportive of me. In fact, I shouldn't say predominantly, they all are that way, because I wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't. And then these days, I'm just appreciating finding support and community in the various sisterhoods, where I can just truly show up as my whole complicated, messy, genuine self with all of my crazy goals and optimism and all the things I want to do in this world. And those ladies are there cheering me along, and just asking how they can help. And I'm asking them in turn. So this Women's History Month, I'll really be focusing some of my learning and reading on those movements throughout history where women have come together to support each other and to affect change. And I am particularly going to be looking to understand more about when those movements were inclusive, and were intersectional. And not exclusive of certain members of our sisterhood. So this was a more personal podcast episode than I probably normally do. But Women's History Month and International Women's Day sometimes gives me big feelings. And so I wanted to get this out there and hopefully it resonates. And if you want to know more about the work that we do your Two Piers, whether the workshops we do, some of the coaching that we do, some of the work we do with corporate entities to try to make sure that they are not just paying lip service to diversity, equity and inclusion, but instead have policies and culture that are grounded in true DEI values, then you can reach out to us either via our website at twopiersconsulting.com. Or on pretty much any social media platform at @twopiersconsult. In the meantime, go ahead and check out some of our previous podcasts about either International Women's Day - we have one specifically about that and the history of that holiday, or the Pay Gap Bot that rocked IWD last year. So those are out there for your listening pleasure as well. And we'll see you soon!